Elf on a Shelf. yeah, I don't do the elf. ( hmm, that doesn't sound right.....although it's accurate in both the literal and figurative sense) We have Rodney the Angry South Pole Penguin. Rodney doesn't put up with your crap. First of all his name is RODNEY. Not Pixie or Herbie or Buddy... so he already has a chip on his shoulder IF PENGUINS EVEN HAD SHOULDERS. And Rodney doesn't even show himself, he just leaves threatening post-it notes, such as " Leave the seat up on this toilet again and you won't have a reason to raise it" - RASPP. or " WTF- are your arms broken? The dishwasher is literally 15 inches from the sink. Who was your maid yesterday?" -RASPP ( RODNEY HAS STREET CRED) or "This is a pinecone - enjoy it since you can't seem to find the toilet paper" - ROUGH RASPP
I've had my share of angry Rodney notes....... damn him. " WHERE ARE THE CREDIT CARD RECEIPTS WOMAN?" - RASPP - DIVORCE LAWYER. or "How many gas stations did you pass on the way home?" - RASPP. or "It's impossible to have a headache EVERY night." - RASPP, THE SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED PENGUIN. ( all these look suspiciously like Bill's writing....but I can't be sure)
This is really just an extension of an incident that played itself out MANY years ago because of a Post-it note. Or more accurately because of the lack of a Post-it Note.
............It was a dark and stormy night. ( not really) . Bill wasn't home from work yet and I was leaving for choir practice. ( which implies that I'm stepping foot inside a church which is hard to tell from my previous profanity laced rantings- but hang with me). I was flushing the toilet upstairs when it acted weird and the water started to rise. I immediately reached down and turned off the water behind the toilet. Pondered the situation for .5 seconds AS I WAS ALREADY LATE FOR PRACTICE. And decided I'd handle it when I returned. Ran down the steps and out the door.
........It was a dark and story night in our bathroom. ( close). Bill arrived home and in predictable fashion visited the master bathroom.........
....... It was a dark and stormy night in the choir loft. ( closer) My cellphone goes off in the middle of practice and I ignore it. The first 2 times. On the third call I'm thinking this must be really important and I answer it.
.......It was a dark and stormy night in our living room. (nailed it) The voice on the other end of the phone is furious to put it mildly. There's a lot of accusations and screaming and "where's the plunger", yada, yada, yada. I decided I can't help the person on the other end as I CAN NOT PULL A PLUNGER OUT OF MY EAR AND TELEPORT IT TO THE HOUSE. So I hang up. In mid sentence. And go back to practice.
And this was the conversation when I got home 2 hours later.
Bill: YOU HUNG UP ON ME! Why?
Me: I couldn't help you.
Bill: I flushed the toilet and water and EVERYTHING else went everywhere. Why didn't you leave a post-it note on the toilet that it was broken?
Me: I turned the water off --- I would have thought that was a big enough hint.
Bill: It's customary to leave a person a note.
Me: When you reached down to turn water back on you didn't think " Gee, I wonder why it's off ?"
Bill: No, there was no note and I didn't know anything was wrong with the toilet until water was coming down thru the ceiling.
Me: Excuse me? YOU LEFT THE BATHROOM AFTER YOU FLUSHED A TOILET THAT HAD PREVIOUSLY HAD THE WATER TURNED OFF? ARE YOU CRAZY?
Bill: You should have left me a note.
Me: On the toilet? "To whom it may concern, THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS TOILET "
Bill: It's customary.
Me: oh my god.........................I have a headache.
I am not making this up.
I now leave post-it notes on everything. It's customary.
On the plus side no one in my family EVER leaves a bathroom until the flush is clear. You're welcome.
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