Summer Reading Contest

Every summer vacation our family quietly ( hahahaha) has a reading contest.
Me: woohoo, just finished my first book on the beach!
Andrew: Did you start it on the beach? because technically that doesn't count.
Me: says who?
Andrew: When did you start it?
Me: well, June 10th, but I don't think...
Andrew: So , not on the beach.  Doesn't count.
Me: Hey, YOU'RE rereading a book, that doesn't count either!
Bill:  Please stop.
Me: Tell him to stop.
Bill: Both of you stop.
Andrew: Doesn't count mom.
Me: You're not the boss of me.
Katie:  CHANGE APPROVED
Bill: Oh, good grief.
Me: This is why I read on the balcony. It's a hostile reading environment down here.
Andrew:  Mom look....smoking beer shooting teenagers with a radio....go get em!
Bill:  Stay in your chair.
Katie:  Yeah Mom, go smack that radio with your book.
Me: Technically 1/2 a book. I'm going to need a bigger book.  [Jaws reference]
Katie: Use Andrew's book, he's already read it.

a field guide perhaps

Bill: Nobody is smacking anybody.
Me: Well no, because I'll need a bigger book. and a taser.
Bill: Why do you resort to violence?
Me: Code of the beach.

Andrew is reading a Brad Thor novel ( for the second time)
Katie is reading Game of Thrones: A Storm of Swords
I'm on my first WHOLE book - Dave Barry, "Lunatics"
Bill is reading some book on Integrity.  
Need I say more?