Jane Stories

I had the mother-in-law to beat all mother-in-laws. Although the relationship started on shakey ground it eventually blossumed into something wonderful...............ly different and challenging.  I had so many strikes against me going into this it wasn't even funny.
1. I was from a divorced family

what number is this?



2. I had no formal education beyond high school. ( Bill has enough for the entire state of Rhode Island but I still have to connect him to the internet. Go figure.)

3. I was (catholic).

4. I did not have a sorority to reference. ( something that at one time intimitated me and now I just find amusing)

5. I ate hamburgers. ( something she did not consider a meal)

6. I had never been to a five star restaraunt.

7. I worn jeans. ( Bill still doesn't own a pair of jeans, I live in them)

8. I wore the wrong size bra ( covered in previous post)

9. I once referred to the big "O" on the flag over the fireplace as a zero.  ( I had no idea) ( Good thing I had "superpowers")

Over time I held 2 very important trump cards.  I had her grandchildren, and they held her heart. As is in most cases half of the blame for the early disharmony was squarely on my own shoulders. We both grew wiser and more forgiving and completely accepting of each other.  Like good wine our relationship aged well over the years. Mostly because we couldn't remember half the crap we argued about the next day. Yay for wine. 

Still there were some funny moments. And so I bring you Jane Stories. 

Jane loved animals. LOVED ANIMALS. Over the years I lost count of the number of pets that filtered through her house.  I was just seventeen the first time I met Jane.  They had 2 dogs named Peppy and Mickey, and a cat named Midnight whose fur was as white as the driven snow. I called them all by one name  " Mangey".  She loved that.    In turn she called me every one of the pet's names once asking me if I need water in my bowl.  Touche.  In the 27 years that followed there was a constant parade of pets. Peppy, Mickey, Gilette ( because he'd had a close shave with death), Lady, Sissy, McBarker.  There were gerbils and turtles and dogs and cats ,and horses.  and cows. and chickens. and goats.  Some I called "Lunch".



YOU MAY TAKE MY LIFE BUT YOU'LL NEVER TAKE MY FREEDOM!



Jane was always in a hurry.  Usually to stop and pee somewhere.  Something I became sympathetic to after children.  ( stupid kids).  This particular day she was in a hurry to take one of her cats to the vet. She grabbed the cat carrier, threw it in the car and then decided to"go" before heading to the vet's office. She jumped in the car and drove like a demon to an appointment that she was already late for.  She pulled in to the vets office and ran inside explaining ( yelling) from the door all the reasons she was late.  Traffic, locusts, yada, yada, yada. 

The receptionist looked at Jane and said, " Mrs. Burriss  it's okay, your cat's appointment isn't today it's tomorrow.  And besides there's no cat in your carrier."   She called me from the vet's office and told this story on herself all the while trying to convince me that the cat had opposable thumbs and had to have let itself out of the carrier.       I just love this story.  It's Jane. 

Another favorite of mine really shows how stupid we were.  Jane and Don ( my father-in-law) had flown in from some trip and we ( the three boys and the girls) had driven to the airport to meet them.  Jane always traveled dressed to the nines.  High heels, gorgeous dress, long fake nails and a mink coat.  Usually a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other.   Obviously the early 80's.   We were walking several yards behind  her down one of the long parts of the airport.  Now Jane was.......frugal.  We noticed she had stopped midway and was perched forward trying to pick a dime up off the linoleum with her fake nails.  No small feat. Plus the added height of the heels and the dangerous forward tilt of the 44DDs, cigarette and drink.  She was a magician.  And determined.   Not one to miss an opportunity to bait his mother her youngest son who shall remain nameless (BOB) started intermittedly rolling quarters and dimes and nickels past Jane all the way out of the airport , rolling them to opposite sides of the concourse while Jane chased them down unaware that he was doing that.  We were overcome with laughter trying NOT to reveal ourselves while watching her teetered to and fro so close to falling. CLICK CLICK CLICK  her heels ran to the next coin, then CLICK CLICK CLICK went the fake nails as she fought with each coin.  At some point she caught on but continued to pick up the coins as Bob kept rolling them past her.  We were now feeding Bob the coins to roll.  Laughing and laughing - while she loudly lectured us on our lack of appreciation for hard earned money.  

Then we got in the car.  And had no money to pay to get out of the airport parking garage.  

And she laughed and laughed and laughed.  

I miss her.