Speaking in Code

Raising children is hard.  Marriage is harder.  It's important to be on the same page with your  spouse.  Even more important if you're in the same book.  Or maybe the same state.  Well, it's all important.  I grew up watching soap operas with my mom.  Days of Our Lives. Where marriange is one disaster after another.  As I got older those people just pissed me off.  How can people be so stupid.  And then How can people be entertained by all that stupid?  I'm sure that's why I am not a fan of any reality shows. ( although I am completely fascinated with anything gypsy - I don't know why). I stopped watching them when our daughter was about 4 years old.  While sitting at the lunch table she turned to me and said "But mommy what about Hope, what if Bo doesn't find Hope?"

The most valuable lesson I learned from Tom, Alice, Mickey, Bill, Laura, Julie, and the rest of the parade of DOOLs idiots was no secrets from your spouse.  That was always the problem on soaps.   Also you need a code...........a signal.  Something just between you and your spouse.  Ours was "Andrew , put your shoes on."       This was our universal signal for "don't ask me any questions, it is time to leave the area"  or "the restaurant" or "YOUR MOTHER'S HOUSE"    



from my expression I'd say it was time for someone to find his shoes.



We started this when our children came along to avoid certain, um, certain, uhhhhhh , unavoidable conflicts, discussions, unsolicited advice - whatever.  And it worked like a charm.  We had decided that would be our signal and it would be unacceptable for the others to question why.   And this would be how the evening went:



Jane (Bill's mom):  Well you know what I think you should do about ________(whatever, seriously - you could fill in the blank with anything you can imagine)

Bill:  Andrew, put your shoes on.

Me:  I'm headed for the car, Katie, put up your toys now, time to go.

Jane:  What?  Wait?  Oh, let me get the leftovers out of the fridge for you.

(eventually other family members  figured out the code:)

Bob (brother in law): Omg - Andrew is getting his shoes on , Karen, time to go.

Jim (brother in law)  :   Cindy - help Andrew find his shoes.

Jane:  Why do ya'll always seem to leave at the same time?  Wait, the leftovers ...............

We said this even if Andrew had on shoes.   I don't think Jane ever figured it out and we avoided many unwanted discussions.   Although the kids are in their twenties if Bill and I are out somewhere and need to leave without an explanation we'll still say . "Andrew , put your shoes on."   Some things just work.