The Happiest Place on Earth

Since summer vacations are in full swing I thought perhaps young parents everywhere might benefit from our personal Vacation Nightmares.                


Once upon a time there lived a mommy and daddy that loved their little prince and princess so much that they decided to spend megabucks on a family vacation in the land of the mouse.   The mommy and daddy remembered back in 1981 when they were first dating they went to the land of the mouse.  A little before Epcot and long before MGM or Animal Kingdom.   They loved it there.  And so with much planning and reading of every available trip guide they charted their course.  The itineraries were all printed out, tickets bought, reservations made and the little children were so pumped about going they could barely sleep at night.

No pants........this duck has issues.

When the very happy and excited family got to the land of the mouse they decided to go to the attractions that the mommy and daddy loved so much so long ago.  That proved to be a tactical error on their part.  They had not taken into account that their precious sheltered little children had never even been to an amusement park and especially an amusement park where everything and everyone looked REAL. Which proved to be a REAL problem when the happy family entered The Pirates of the Caribbean then the Haunted House. The two very very happy children were now NOT very very happy at all. So the mommy and daddy thought we'll just go see an attraction geared for younger children and chose Honey I Shrunk the Audience, which turned out to be even worse than being shot at by scruvy pirates or having dead people ride with you in your car , which didn't seem possible.  The little prince (who was 7 at the time) was so bewitched by the 3D movie in which a python strikes at the audience with a head as big as a bus, followed by mice that scurry throughout the audience and feels so real because of the air pipes that twitch things between your feet on the floor that he stopped breathing.  And the daddy could not get his attention to help him.  The daddy yelled and screamed and then did something that the daddy had never done before or since......he grabbed the little prince and almost had to slap him to get his focus off the big snake and mice.   There was lots of crying. ( mostly by the mommy )  Which indicated there was at least some breathing going on.

The unhappy family went back to their very expensive hotel room.  And the little children begged their father to go home.........after half a day in the land of mouse.

And then the daddy turned into Clark Griswald from Family Vacation and went into a tirade. And most of his speech had to be bleeped out. 

The next day after much apologizing for EVERYTHING the mommy and daddy  changed tactics and decided to spend the entire whole day just riding Dumbo and Teacups and visiting the castle, and doing everything they could to repair the damage. 

And it worked.  Except the little prince and princess would ask every time if the ride was 1. dark, 2. scary 3. would someone jump out at them 4. were there snakes.                     

On. Every. Single. Ride.

For the length of the line.

In stereo.

For the next 6 days.

The daddy took one too many photos of this princess.

The family that was happy then sad was all happy again.  They decided to come back every 2 years for more fun and happiness.   The prince and princess , who are now in the twenties, still despise the Honey I shrunk the Audience ride, even though they both will ride The Tower of Terror and Rockin RollerCoaster and everything else on the property.    Which may just prove the point it's better to expose your children to snakes and mice as early as you can.  Maybe even in the crib.   or not.

Stupid mouse.