The Christmas Letter



I'm smarter than your kid.



The Christmas letter.   Thank goodness people I rarely see or talk to can keep me up to date with the latest crap their child prodigy pulled off this year.  I used to read those and feel amazing amounts of guilt, now I can't wait to sit down with a glass of wine and laugh myself into hysterics.  ( I've got kids - who are they fooling) ( of course mine ARE perfect)

One I really look forward to reading is the month by month account of everything whinny Winnie and her equally stunted sibling Davis achieved. MONTH BY MONTH.  I can't remember what I did yesterday. Perhaps if I documented it monthly then I could print it out and send all the people I barely know a copy.  With pictures.  ( ohh ohhhh I could blog it!)  ( This month I successfully redistributed a clan of squirrels, saving them from peril. I received two awards from Save the Squirrels, Inc.)  

My favorites are the ones I've known personally ( but have since escaped) with the kid I've seen , the one with boogers hanging off his face, the one that screams and has a melt down if he shoe comes untied and yet he managed to pull his act together and write a play at genius camp this summer, direct and star of course.  And we're talking kindergarten.  

Followed by all the mommy achievements,she ran all the bible studies, knitted a house for Ethiopia, turned their house into an elf playground ( ohhhhh!), was crowned room mommy queen for every class even ones her kids weren't in because she's just that great. And got the year's award for most humble person EVER!!!

I've noticed a trend in these letters ---- no mention of Dad achievements.  Dad hasn't even seen this tripe. Let's face it, Bill doesn't get final approval of my blogging for obvious reasons -----he'd spend most of the time refuting everything I've typed.  But it's all true I swear.  

I like the way my mother-in-law used to send her yearly Christmas letter ----- first she hand wrote it , with errors and scratch outs, and then made 150 copies.  She detailed EVERYTHING - one memorable one was when she listed how much she and her husband had to kick in to pay for our wedding because my family had the nerve to be poor AND divorced.  ( I'm not bitter)   She failed to mention the 250 people she invited were her friends.  I had maybe 10 counting Bill and the priest.   But it's all about the show baby!!

My MIL never once in all the years I knew her actually sent her Christmas letter before Christmas. It should have been called the Great Easter Letter.  Which has merit - you have everyone's attention. And gave her time to dress-up the more seamly events.  Some things take a LOT of creative energy. 

I think I'll aim for July.  I'm going to paste together paragraphs from all the letters I receive this year and change the names to Kelly and Bill.  It's just too exhausting to keep up with the many MANY unselfish and wonderful things I've accomplished.  Got to go - Squirrels for Peace just called.

Merry Christmas!