Why Marketing Departments should rethink their audience

Bill:  What's this ad for?
Me: Obviously it's aimed at the dedicated birdwatcher.
Bill: Obviously.
Me: I think you take the wipes and rub them on the tree trunks to attract woodpeckers.
Bill: This explains so much.......
Me: I know, right, I haven't seen one of those in a long time.
Bill: And again, explains so much.


This must address a fetish I know nothing about.   I'm not sure the Audubon Society is supporting this.
Also this could explain why that one woodpecker is extinct.   

 
From the same magazine:  ( btw - this is SUPPOSEDLY an exercise magazine.....)

Me:  They're missing one
Bill:   What...
Me:  Heat 
Bill:   What's the number for the Audubon Society?

My mind needs a safety gate.

ahhhhhhhhhhhh

I often wonder where the closest snake is.

I hate touching fax paper.  Styrofoam.  Corderoy ( large wale not pin wale)

I wish restraurants wouldn't put the condiment cups of dressing ON my salad.  I hate that.  Plates of food on my plates of food.  And crackers in packages ON my salad.   It's like they're too lazy to make another trip and they keep piling crap on top of my food. 

I once failed a German Exam for refusing to stand in front of the class and give a 5 minute speech. 

I can't resist telling a complete stranger if he/she looks like a celebrity.  Sometimes it's not a compliment.

I like to send birthday cards to people just because. 

I hate to cook eggs and then eat them.  I order mine out.   I cook eggs every morning for Bill and I have oatmeal.  It's weird. 

I won't embark on a road trip unless everyone has brushed their teeth.  Andrew isn't allowed to take his shoes off.  Still.

I love quarters. 

I can only take a fish off the hook if I have 10 bandaids.  One around every knuckle of each finger.