how to get your 6 year old to order rack of lamb

Veggie Dip.    Yes, that's right it starts with the right veggie dip.    My husband's grandmother's veggie dip was instrumental in the development of my kids' extensive palates.  From the time they could walk they were shoveling this dip in their mouths with  cucumber slices.  That's also the time I instituted the TODDLER ONLY APPETIZER TRAY.  Because they can be pretty disgusting with finger food.  They became adventurous eaters.   They'd order stuff just for the sheer pleasure of getting to say the name out loud to a waiter.  Think pu-pu platter.  An all-time favorite for my son to order at the local Chinese restaurant.  Or more recently the charcuterie tray that my daughter mistakenly believed was all cheese.  It was not.  But it WAS delicious!  Grammie's Veggie Dip was the beginning.  It's addictive.  And it's a great way to introduce lots of different vegetables like broccoli, cucumbers, turnips, bell peppers, radishes, celery, cauliflower, grape tomatoes, to name a few.  (If you don't make a face or impose your own "UGH" they'll try it - especially if they see you eating it!)    And here it is.

Meet Hazel - Shelly's sous chef.

I always double the recipe and there is never any leftover.  Ever.  Also it seems to freeze well when I make it ahead of time.  Which I find kind of amazing.        Okay here's what you'll need - ( I forgot to put an onion in the picture so go get one and set it in front of the screen. )

A word about B-V.   I can't find it anywhere anymore.  I have to order it from New Jersey from a woman named Carol that must smoke 5 packs of Marlboros a day.  It's from a company called MajorProducts that supplies restaurants.    I order it by the case.    It's that good.    You can substitute other beef/vegetable concentrates for this but I wouldn't.  They'll know.    (by they I mean the blasted kids).  I have a call in as I type to order another case.      

First you want to cream the cottage cheese.  I just plop it in the mixer and let it run and go get the cream cheese.  You don't want it completely smooth , kind of like , I don't know I can't come up with a description just don't over beat it.  If it turns into butter you've gone to far.  Go get bread.  

Now add the cream cheese and let it run.  Stop it several times and scrape the sides and especially the bottom and mix it until it's all mixed together.  But still not butter.  

(Shelly laughing hysterically over a Julia Child joke that Hazel just told her.)

Now add the B-V.  

Liquid gold.  Looks like motor oil.   ( still laughing) 

(darn it Hazel) 

When you spill it you will cuss out loud.  Like " oh darn I just spilled an ounce of liquid gold that Carol just shipped me, darn, darn, darn!"  And then your husband will say " We don't say DARN in this house".  Then you tell him what happened and he remembers what it cost to ship it and then you have to remind him that we don't say THAT word either.  Don't spill it.  Better yet don't try to take a picture of yourself pouring it with a dinosaur and it probably won't happen anyway.  Maybe.

  

Add the Liquid Gold to the cream cheese/cottage cheese mixture.   Now is will turn a lovely shade of brown.  Lovely if you already know what this will taste like.  Not so much if you have no idea what it will taste like.  In fact if you take this to a get-together most people will avoid it like the plague.  Which actually works out in your favor because that means more for you.  We rarely encourage strangers to "give it a try".  Mostly I just agree "why yes , it does look like it's turned!", as  I scoop out a celery stick full.  

Next you want to go straight to the store and buy this knife.  I got this one at a local shop called Bazaar on our town square in Collierville, Tennessee.  You need it so you can enjoy lopping off the end of the onion before you grate it.     Go here - http://www.bazaaroliveoil.com/


Okay, you don't really need it BUT it is a wonderful knife and I love cutting through the onion like it's "butter" [New Jersey accent].   Plus I like seeing if I can cause a run on knife sales at Bazaar.    Seriously, go buy yourself a good knife.  Taste all the olive oils and drink the vinegars.  It's my favorite fun food shop!  

The recipe calls for grated onion.  I use a microplane grater.  It should look like this: 

Scoop up what you need and add to the cream cheese/cottage/B-V mix.  Henceforth known as the STUFF.    Mix it throughly.  Scraping the sides for good measure. 

Add the lemon juice to the STUFF. 

Add the worschesterersereserssssshire sauce.  Yes, that's the correct spelling.  

Mix all the STUFF together.   Taste test! Taste Test! Taste TEST!!!!!

Try all kinds of raw vegetables. My favorite is cucumber! Seriously delicious!  Call me over and I'll taste test it for you!!!     Store in fridge (duh, it's all dairy) . Any questions just ask!    Enjoy!  

Intermittent crying with a chance of sunshine- Part 1

Last month .....


Arghhhhh, I ate too much pasta, my stomach is killing me.
Later that night-    Arghhhhh,  I hate pasta.
The next morning -  ARGHHHHH, I feel terrible, like glass in my stomach.    Bill announces,  That's it......let's head to the ER.

I don't think I've ever really been in an ER.  For myself.  Off we go.  Fortunately it's not that far from our house.  I get checked in.  The pain worsens, I'm thinking appendicitis or kidney stones.  They hook me up to pain and nausea meds.  Ask me lots of questions.  Do a CT.  Kinda.  I have very stubborn tiny veins,  bless the technicians heart as she pushed the dye into my upper arm vein that they had to locate with a doppler machine while Bill uttered the words "Cool", only to blow it out causing my arm to swell up to the point where it refused to bend.  But she announces enough got through to take pictures.  Finds a mass in my female parts area - words of the ER doctor.  Well, that seems vague, technically I am all female parts. Doctor refers me to West Clinic.  A new panic sets in.  ( I'll just go ahead and say everything turned out fine for me.  The doctor and team at West Clinic are the most wonderful people on the planet- more on that later)   And the ER sends me home.

4 days later coming out of my meds stupor I realize that I haven't actually gone to the bathroom.  You know, in a more committed way.  Naturally this is all I can focus on.   I begin to read all the information that was handed to me in a lovely folder when they discharged me from the ER.
In capital letters " NO LAXATIVES, unless prescribed by your physician."
Hmmmm, well crap. ( or not).    Now I'm sitting in my bed , tears running down my face in tired frustration.  I call out to Bill.
Hey, do you think I can take a laxative or something?
Bill:  I don't know, call your doctor.
Me:  You are a doctor person......just tell me what to do.
Bill:  CALL YOUR DOCTOR
Me:  YOU CALL YOUR DOCTOR!!!!
Bill:  Kelly....... just call the ER doctor and ask.
Me:  [mimicking] kelly....just call the er doctor and ask.
I pick up the folder and reread hoping it will say ........NO LAXATIVES EXCEPT FOR YOU , TAKE WHATEVER YOU WANT.  It does not say this.     But it does tell me how to access my chart information and ask questions online.  Hmmmm, maybe this is what i need to do.

I go online, set up my account, access my chart, find the part about submitting questions and start typing.   Yes, I realize this probably took 4 times longer than actually picking up the phone and dialing.  Whatever.    I click on the tab for questions.   "Your account in not approved for submitting questions, please call your doctor."   WTH.......why is everyone obsessed with me personally discussing my bathroom habits with a live person.  [more tears]
Okay, where's the stupid sheet of  paper with the  phone number???   I locate it.  "If you have any questions regarding your account please call 555-5555" (go ahead, dial it)
I dial the number.   [more tears]   The line rings and a voice answers.  Hello, this is Paul with Baptist blah blah blah, may I help you?   "I hope so , I was discharged from your ER 4 days ago and , well, I haven't gone to the bathroom and I'm miserable and it's all I can think about and the folder said no laxatives, is it okay to take a stool softener? , and I just hoping you can help me , I'm just so tired, and it said to call this number and all I want to do is poop...... "
Paul :  ........[crickets]..........
Me:  hello?
Paul:  .....um, I'm with IT.
Me:  .....[bigger crickets] ......so Paul, do you get many poop questions or am I the only one?
Paul: oh, you'd be surprised at the questions I get asked, but I can connect you with the desk at the ER, don't worry.
Me:  Frankly at this point I'd be happy for your advice but what the heck let's see if they can help
Paul:  okay, well good luck, I'll connect you.
Me:  Thanks Paul.  ( seriously if Paul had said you should eat rocks and tango up and down the street I would have done it)
Another voice:  May I help you?
Me:  Let's see......

I repeat my story, we eventually come to the conclusion that I'm safe to take some medication, but I'm not safe to be dialing random numbers on a sheet of paper.    Poor Paul.

Next - filling out forms for surgery....... while I thought some of the questions were hilarious the man that drove me to surgery was not amused.

my healing view