March Madness - Perfume Division



4 Division - only 1 Winner

 Update :  I spilled #5 all over  the bathroom and he couldn't smell it.

We're having a Perfume Playoff .  I've been complaining to Bill for several months now to find a perfume that makes him go crazy when he walks by me.  If they just bottled Home Made Bread I'd never make it out the door.  I could rub yeast all over my body but I'm afraid it may lead to a different type of problem.  With a 3 to 5 day cure.   Why do they even make a 3 or 5 if it's available in a 1 day pill form?  Idiots.  

Me:  Bill , what are you wearing, I LOVE THAT?"

Bill: ______ - fill in the blank with whatever because I'm steering this conversation.  ( No, it is NOT manipulation)

Me: Do you like what I'm wearing?
Bill: yes.
Me: That's not committed enough.  I wish you'd go shop and find a perfume you'd love for me to wear.

So a couple of days ago we're Christmas shopping at Ulta.  He sprays everything in the store on me.  We both get sick and have to go home to change clothes.  This is not a good start. 

He came up with a new system. Buy all the sample sets at Sephora and grade them. This way you can get asphyxiated by any number of designer scents.  Today I wore one that's not making it to the
Big Dance .  It smelled like my 80 year old Aunt Pearl from 1965.  With a hint of hot moth balls.  I made the rather bad choice of  wearing  it to the 3D Hobbit movie this afternoon.  Which to my dismay was mingled with someone's vomit from last night.  Probably from sampling perfumes and sitting thru a 3 hour movie of angry dirty midgets in high definition. 

We've made it thru 4 rounds so far.  I'd like to apologize in advance for setting off anyone's allergic reactions in the next few week.  Please feel free to comment on my fragrance when you smell me coming.  Or just pinch your nose and I'll get the idea.

Yes- this is all being kept track of by a highly sophisticated "Post-it Note"  system on our bathroom mirror with a scale of 1 to 5 pluses (+) and comments by the wearer and the one the wearer is trying to seduce.  We're already argued about the validity of the point system and playoff bracket.   Marriage is fun.

Today my cat caught on fire



Not Flame Retardant. 

 Just when you think it's safe to go back into the kitchen the house cat sets herself on fire.  I'm kind of pissed she did it before I thought of doing it.  To me, not her ( settle down).  It's a great conversation starter.  "hey what happened to most of your hair?"

My daughter had just gotten home from college and I was completely absorbed in whatever she was saying which is now permanently lost because at that exact moment Loki decided to make her presence known and unforgettable by jumping up on the kitchen counter.  And her aim couldn't have been any better, smack dab over the top of a scented candle.  She did land on all fours (not one of her best talents) and......stood there.  With the flame licking up the right side of her body.  And she just stared at us, LIKE we were crazy for yelling at her.  We both saw her fur start to burn (still staring at us).   Now we're frantically waving and screaming at her.  Now she's just annoyed and staring.  Which meant I had to "stop, drop and roll" a pissed off flaming cat.

The good news - it just singed her fur.
The bad news - my kitchen will never smell like Christmas again.  Just burnt hair.  Burnt cat hair. 
Also I may have lost a finger in the "roll" part as she took issue with that maneuver.  also maneuver is hard to spell.   ma-new-ver.  Whatever.    My cat was on fire. Now it's out.

Welcome home Katie.  Smell the Christmas Joy. 

My Sensitive Side

When Bill and I were in high school and just friends  I had been at his house playing pool with a bunch of our other friends.  He lived in a large ranch style home with his room at the end of a long hall.  The bathroom in the hall also opened up to his bedroom. 
.
I was born nosey.  I wandered in to his room where I discovered a small hamster cage.   I tapped on the cage.  No movement.  Hmmm.  I picked up a pencil and poked around in the cedar shavings.   Uh Oh. 

I called out down the hall. "Hey man, I think your rat is dead."      ........In my defense I had no idea that he was so sentimental about hamsters.  Or I would have never said a word.  


Which is why years later when we were house sitting for his parents and their animal menagerie including Bill's dog Peppy which he'd had since 3rd grade and I went to let her out of the laundry room to go outside and couldn't open the door I knew there was a problem.  I leaned against the door and shoved it open and her body stiff with rigor mortis slid across the floor.  All 4 paws in mid-air.  Sh*t !  Recalling how distraught he was over his hamster I realized I would have to handle this with kid-gloves.  So I went back into the kitchen and told him he needed to check on his dog.  She seemed to be having difficulty breathing.

I am a chicken.