Elf.....what elf?

Elf on a Shelf.  yeah, I don't do the elf.   ( hmm, that doesn't sound right.....although it's accurate in both the literal and figurative sense)  We have Rodney the Angry South Pole Penguin.   Rodney doesn't put up with your crap. First of all his name is RODNEY.  Not Pixie or Herbie or Buddy... so he already has a chip on his shoulder IF PENGUINS EVEN HAD SHOULDERS.     And Rodney doesn't even show himself, he just leaves threatening post-it notes, such as " Leave the seat up on this toilet again and you won't have a reason to raise it" - RASPP.   or   " WTF- are your arms broken? The dishwasher is literally 15 inches from the sink.  Who was your maid yesterday?" -RASPP ( RODNEY HAS STREET CRED)    or "This is a pinecone - enjoy it since you can't seem to find the toilet paper" - ROUGH RASPP  

I've had my share of angry Rodney notes....... damn him.  " WHERE ARE THE CREDIT CARD RECEIPTS WOMAN?" - RASPP - DIVORCE LAWYER.   or  "How many gas stations did you pass on the way home?" - RASPP.   or "It's impossible to have a headache EVERY night." - RASPP,  THE SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED PENGUIN.   ( all these look suspiciously like Bill's writing....but I can't be sure)

This is really just an extension of an incident that played itself out MANY years ago because of a Post-it note.  Or more accurately because of the lack of a Post-it Note.

............It was a dark and stormy night.  ( not really) .   Bill wasn't home from work yet and I was leaving for choir practice.  ( which implies that I'm stepping foot inside a church which is hard to tell from my previous profanity laced rantings- but hang with me).   I was flushing the toilet upstairs when it acted weird and the water started to rise.  I immediately reached down and turned off the water behind the toilet.  Pondered the situation for .5 seconds AS I WAS ALREADY LATE FOR PRACTICE.  And decided I'd handle it when I returned.  Ran down the steps and out the door. 

........It was a dark and story night in our bathroom. ( close).   Bill arrived home and in predictable fashion visited the master bathroom.........

....... It was a dark and stormy night in the choir loft. ( closer)   My cellphone goes off in the middle of practice and I ignore it.  The first 2 times.   On the third call I'm thinking this must be really important and I answer it. 

.......It was a dark and stormy night in our living room. (nailed it)  The voice on the other end of the phone is furious to put it mildly.  There's a lot of accusations and screaming and "where's the plunger", yada, yada, yada.   I decided I can't help the person on the other end as I CAN NOT PULL A PLUNGER OUT OF MY EAR AND TELEPORT IT TO THE HOUSE.  So I hang up.  In mid sentence.  And go back to practice.  

And this was the conversation when I got home 2 hours later.

Bill:  YOU HUNG UP ON ME! Why?
Me:  I couldn't help you. 
Bill:  I flushed the toilet and water and EVERYTHING else went everywhere.  Why didn't you leave a post-it note on the toilet that it was broken?
Me:  I turned the water off --- I would have thought that was a big enough hint.
Bill:  It's customary to leave a person a note.
Me:  When you reached down to turn water back on you didn't think " Gee, I wonder why it's off ?"
Bill:  No, there was no note and I didn't know anything was wrong with the toilet until water was coming down thru the ceiling.
Me:  Excuse me?  YOU LEFT THE BATHROOM AFTER YOU FLUSHED A TOILET THAT HAD PREVIOUSLY HAD THE WATER TURNED OFF?  ARE YOU CRAZY?
Bill:  You should have left me a note.
Me: On the toilet?  "To whom it may concern, THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS TOILET "
Bill:  It's customary.
Me: oh my god.........................I have a headache. 

I am not making this up.           
I now leave post-it notes on everything.  It's customary.  

On the plus side no one in my family EVER leaves a bathroom until the flush is clear.  You're welcome.

I was a violet



Notice the boys were dandelions. 



In kindergarten our class performed a musical about flowers.  I was a violet.  My mom made mine and my best friend, Muffy, costumes.  They were made from purple crepe paper.  I can clearly remember my mom worrying that if we got caught in a rain shower we were doomed. 



Contemplating ripping off her ankle bling.



I also remember Rose.  I was not a fan of Rose. She didn't like me much either.  I secretly wanted the lead roll.  But I wasn't lead material.  Even if I did have the mouth for it. 

Eat your heart out , Rose. 

  

Muffy was my best friend.  She was one of 10 children.  Much to the horror of the other  mothers my mom called one of Muffy's older siblings to see if they wanted to babysit for us sometime.  When my mom asked one of the moms why they felt that way she was informed that their family was quite wealthy, as in fountains in their yard, butlers, nannies, maids. No one ever called one of their children to babysit. My mom called anyway.  Muffy's sister was so thrilled because no one ever asked them.   I remember being invited to her house to play and how big it was.  They had a playroom.  With a stage.  With costumes.  Kind of like The Sound of Music,   And they had a puppet stage with marionettes.  And every Barbie AND Ken AND all Barbie's accessory and clothes.   Our moms became friends and I remember we just really liked being together. 
Their backyard was landscaped with lights and fountains and a playground like you would see at city park.  Her older brothers convinced me that if I stepped in the "monkey grass" I'd lose a foot.  They had fountains - so I was pretty sure they spoke truth.   

We moved before the next year.  I've often wondered where she is and if she remembers being a violet.

I do.