The Mother of all Cat Boxes

FURRY JERK

2 years ago I made fun of my son and sweet daughter in law for what I deemed the most ridiculous purchase ever.  A Japanese Cat Litter Box.    First I laughed out loud.  Then I internally criticized what appeared to be a really silly wasteful amount of money that could have been spent more wisely on wine and/or chocolate.   Then I'm pretty sure it went for internal to external, like " well that's just stupid".  

Then my asshole cat of 4 years decided that she'd go for the Olympic Stand and Pee record inside her 12.99 Walmart enclosed cat litter box.   Which ran down the sides and through the "sealed" seam.  Which ended up in the tub and may I just say smells fabulous.  Every fricking day.   And then there's the trail of grit the furry midget drags all over creation like Hansel and Gretel so she can find her way back to the crap box if her olfactory nerves ever give out.   And every day I would walk past the bathroom, deemed Cat Sh#t Hollow, and curse the cat, the litter, the tub, bunny rabbits,  unicorns and the dog if she was close enough.    While the AH Cat sat in the hall and smirked.   

Finally I just couldn't take it any more....... and Amazon Prime was sitting there and I kinda recall a bottle of red wine and feeling particularly sorry for myself.  And more importantly there was no one to stop me or witness how ridiculous I was about to be.  ONE-CLICK SHOPPING.    $100.00 cat crap box.   And may I just say IT IS WORTH EVERY PENNY!  

NO MORE OLYMPIC PEEING RECORDS TO CHALLENGE,  NO MORE TRAIL OF GRIT, NO MORE CURSING LOUDLY WHILE TRYING NOT TO BREATHE WHILE CLEANING IT OUT, AND NO MORE SMIRKING C...... well she still smirks.    Furry Jerk.   

And yes, crow is delightful if you slow cook it in an InstantPot.  (curse you Amazon Prime) 

Cat viewing stand

CLICK HERE FOR THE MOTHER OF ALL CAT BOXES

Milk Jug - Murder , Mayhem, Malice

Downstairs - "SON OF A B.........!!!!"


Most evenings don't end this way.  Well, some do.  Mine sometimes.    My sweet husband is an avid health nut.  He's very proactive in taking care of himself.      He watches what he eats and he exercises daily.  He makes sure he gets plenty of rest and drinks lots of water.   All things I've read about in Grimm's Fairy Tales or Healthy YOU magazine.  They're very similar.  Magic Beans, etc.

He keeps track of how much exercise he gets, and he measures how much water he drinks daily.  I, on the other hand, just try to move so my legs don't get tinglely and I drink water when I'm thirsty and there's no red wine.  Or white wine.  Or beer.  Or chocolate milk.  

A couple of weeks ago he started filling up a gallon jug with water that he then pours into a water bottle that he drinks from in an effort to consume some mystical number of ounces a day to reach some optimal requirement of hydration.  I assume.  Unless he suspicious of the water going into the water bottle without it resting first in a viewing area.  I don't know, I'm spit balling here.  It's a special jug.  It came with some magical health powders that tell you it tastes like strawberry shakes but they lie.  I've added ice cream to it and it still tastes like ground up cardboard.    So the water viewing jug has been peacefully coexisting with all the other liquids holding things in the fridge for weeks.  Until tonight.

Downstairs: - "SON OF A B.......!!!"

Him:  [lots of angry muttering]
Me:  ..... what's wrong?
Him:  SOMEONE STABBED MY WATER JUG!
Me:  ....what?
Him:  SOME....ONE....STABBED....MY....WATER....JUG!
Me:    ...stabbed your water jug?   let me see that!

tiny stab wound 

Him:  You just can't have anything!
Me:  ......um, [eye twitching], ummmm it looks melted......[eye twitching]
Him: ALL I KNOW IS I WAS FILLING IT UP AND WATER STARTED RUNNING DOWN MY LEG.
Me:  ummm, [cough, cough],  I think, I'm not sure, but I think I might have accidentally unknowingly kinda sorta touched it with the flaming hot cookie sheet that was full of zucchini fries.  
Him:  You think this is funny!
Me:  It's a gallon jug, it looks like a milk jug, HERE, take this milk jug, it's about to turn anyway.
Him:  You're laughing!
Me:  NOOOOO, I wouldn't do that!  I'm not laughing, I have allergies, and coughing episodes when I'm filled with water jug anxiety.
Him:  You're laughing now!
Me:  Yes, but not at you, or the stabbed water jug.  I'm so sorry, it was an accident.
Him:  You murdered my water jug.
Me:  I blame the zucchini fries , they're the ones that insisted on being roasted on a cookie sheet!
Him:.........
Me:  I'M A MONSTER!!!!

Him: You're not a monster, you just have a unique skill set.
Me:  ....let that be a warning to all your other water bottles.

I'm coming for you :)