Well, there's good news and great news

Last week my eyes were driving me crazy. So itchy! I don't think of myself as having allergies per se but it was to the point I wanted to rip them out of my head .....but I didn't.

So that lead to a visit to the eye doctor where I am always somewhat shocked to find out I'm over due for a visit.  I'm pretty sure I've been in and he just says that to make me feel bad.

Me:  Hi Doc!
Doc: Hey , what's up?
Me: I think I have an eye infection, they are itching me like crazy!
Doc: How long has that been going on?
Me: ohhhh, noticeably this last week.  It's not bad first thing in the morning but as the day drags on.....
Doc:  hmmm, okay, let's take a look.

( head contraption with light bright enough to blind a person, which may be the goal)

Doc:  Do you smoke?  live with smokers?
Me: No, but if it will help.
Doc: Nah....... well, there's good news and great news.
Me:  That's never the choice.....
Doc:  You are almost legally blind!
Me:  Beg pardon?
Doc:  You have cataracts!
Me:   I'm sorry,  which part is the good news again?
Doc:  No, no, that's actually good! It's so bad now the insurance company won't deny it. Now you can have surgery to remove the cataracts and put implants in!
Me:  [crickets chirping]  ......... really hoping for allergies here......
Doc:  No, this is actually great, after the surgery you won't need glasses for far sightedness.
Me:  So I can stop throwing away my contacts because there is in fact nothing on them like I imagined that last couple of months?
Doc:  That's right
Me:  And when Bill sees stuff on TV I don't have to pretend I see it too so he'll stop rewinding the damn DVR for the hundredth time so I can SEE it?
Doc:  Correct.
Me:  And when he hits the ball off the tee and I can't see where it went I won't have to say " I think it went in the hole THIS TIME" even though there's no way in hell it went in the hole?
Doc:  I'd hang on to that one.
Me:  Yeah, his ego is pretty fragile.
Doc:  So, we'll get you back in for a full workup and send that to the surgeon and get the ball rolling.
Me:  ok,  I'm sure Bill will call you with questions mostly because he'll think I made this whole thing up trying to be dramatic or funny......which is of course ridiculous.    When he does tell him I'm legally blind and can't cook because I might poison him.  It's for his own safety.
Doc:  You're funny.
Me:  Tell him that too.

Yay, summer is off to a great start.