Go Do -That Voodoo -That You Do- So well



View from our room.  You can't see the ants that were living in our couch.



For our 28th anniversary Bill took me to New Orleans.  And it was fun.  And scary.  And painful. But mostly fun.

My designer Happy Meal Watch rendered Debbie speechless

We stayed at The Ritz Carlton.  Oh, they loved me.  Especially Debbie the disgruntled concierge.  Who I later learned was named Karen.  Which may OR may not have explained her rather surly attitude.  But just in case she reads blogs note to Debbie/Karen,  your whole job revolves around customer service.  Smile and don't smirk when I ask you to break a hundred dollar bill. Maybe the smirk was because I had to ask for directions OUT of the hotel.  The people in the atrium were beginning to suspect I was a stalker. 

Our first morning out to eat breakfast we ran into a squall.  It turned Bill's umbrella inside out.  Which I! was silently grateful for as it had "Collierville Dragons" printed on it.  And that was just easier than screaming WE ARE TOURISTS to all the panhandlers and miscreants that we were sharing the overhang to stay dry.   It was very romantic especially with the smell of urine wafting down Canal Street.   Snuggle with me honey.





How my self-esteem took a nosedive.



We ate at Jimmy J's.  The bartender was "Jack" from Will and Grace whose name was John.  As was all the wait staff as well so it was fairly easy to get someone to come to your table.   We were greeted by "Hello - want some fresh squeezed grapefruit juice sweetie? "  Bill said yes.  I checked to see who the hell I was eating breakfast with.  We liked it so much we ate breakfast there three mornings. I ate there just to watch "Jack" who like to yell "Hello Bitches" to people I'm assuming he knew.  And got to see a car "booted" just outside the cafe as all the staff was atwitter with excitement.  I never wanted to leave - the food was amazing. 

Our big anniversary dinner was at a restaurant called Stella's.   It was 16 blocks from our hotel.  We walked.  I wore heels.  My feet were a bloody blistered hemorrhaging mess by the time we got there.   I couldn't concentrate on the 4 course dinner because I was in agonizing pain.  Plus I'd squeezed myself into some underwear called Spanx which must be code for Death by Boa Constrictor.  I had brought my "skinny" dress to look extra sexy for Bill.  And it would have worked if he were into sausage casing in bloody shoes.  So many boundaries. When we ate there 6 years ago it was much more casual.  Not so much now.  We had to flag down our server to ask how to eat the first course.  Literally.

Bill:  Hi Katie , do we just put the whole thing in our mouths [ pointing to a pureed mish mash on what appeared to be one of those ceramic Japanese soup spoons- just one]  Katie:  Yes [ in whispered disbelief]



The "mood" probably wasn't helped when I threatened his life if he didn't get us a cab back.   And he did because he still had hope the evening would turn out well.  Bwahahaha.  And it did.  For me. Because there were hostess cupcakes waiting for me in the hotel.  Because we would have had to taken out a loan for the Honor Bar.  Which is not very honorable.  But did have some rather interesting items in it. 



Like:

This looks like fun!

Let's take a closer look, shall we? 

Uh-oh...I better get started on the Intimacy Mood Juice.  And Gummie Bears.  They're kinda sexy. 

I don't know if this is for sex or my ob-gyn visit. Or both.  I looked up the website.  Go ahead, I'll wait.....
I'll be dropping a suggestion off for Debbie/Karen that the Ritz invest in the Kuma-Sutra Kit.  Maybe she won't be so cranky with props.  

Glaringly missing from the basket.......and it's for every wound.  Gun shot, intimacy, hemorrhaging feet. Band-Aid seems a little too happy about my misery.  I'll be letting Debbie/Karen know. 

No Intimacy mentioned but I feel like I might be getting screwed ........plus I'll be naked for 6 and 1/2 hours.


I love New Orleans. Can't wait to go back.  I know Debbie/Karen misses me.