Stupid things we've fought about

Maddie's smelly bed

Replacing the dog bed .   I'm for it.   He's against it.  ( still in progress)

That everyone knows you're suppose to use the upper plug on an electrical outlet first , leaving space for someone with one of those big-ass plugs to go on the bottom.      I'd never heard that particular rule. So I guess NOT everybody knows.       I fixed this by putting a power strip on MY upper plug and renting him space. 

Always use ALL your change first when purchasing fast food.   A rule I violated when Bill gave me his wallet at a McDonald's and when I  gave him back 10lbs in change because I gave the clerk a twenty for a 59 cent item  it led to one of our biggest fights ever.   Unfortunately for me I chose an enclosed car and a remaining 5 hour car ride to make my point that I didn't care about his rule.  It wasn't pretty. 

That there is never gas in the car on Sunday morning.  I don't know how that happens.  Frankly I think the dog is driving herself to the park and back.

Giving him all the receipts for the credit card.  This one is sadly a reoccuring offense that I can not seem to master.  I set an alarm every day that literally says "GIVE BILL ALL YOUR DAMN RECEIPTS NOW".   but it goes off too close to "Grab a snack so you  don't die ".   I think I ate the receipts yesterday.   

That any noise made in the bathroom you don't have to say excuse me for.  Well ONE of us needs a soundproof bathroom. 

The GPS is not God.  Lamar Avenue will get you killed.     Just guess...............

Saying "who's there?" EVERYTIME he knocks on the bathroom door is not funny.  Now it's just a challenge. 

Screaming when he walks out of the shower.  ( also not funny)

Asking the dog when she's going to die.   ( and also not funny)

Asking my children if they'd like a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.  ( still not funny)

Because I accidently donated all his sweaters to Goodwill one year ( yes, all of them - they were in the attic in a black bag next to all the used toys that were being weeded out ) that everytime he can't find something I've given it to Goodwill.   You can not imagine the things I've supposedly gotten rid of.

Being asked to write a "Policy and Procedure" for writing a "Policy and Procedure".   I think you can see why 1. I don't get paid to work for him.  2. You couldn't pay me to work for him.  3.  I work for food. 

I have a bad habit of assigning people celebrity look-a-likes at the most inconvenient times.  Like during a church event when one of the speakers reminded me of  Phil Dumfy from Modern Family.  This gets me in more trouble than I care to admit.

Apparently its not a good idea to turn up your radio to drown out annoying clicking sounds.  And then ask the automotive repair people will it take more than an hour to get you a new engine and rod thingys because you've got things to do.   I'll never forget the look on the auto guy face. OR Bill's face.  That was a difficult phonecall.

Also not a good idea to turn up your radio when there are annoying thumping sounds while driving thru the not so nice part of Louisville or St. Louis or wherever and your husband is trying to sleep and he wakes up and asks what the hell am I doing driving on a flat tire.  THEN sees there is also no gas . AND we're in the projects with 2 infants.  AND my only answer was I didn't want to bother him.   Talk about cranky.  

Looking out the window to see him using my brand new cake spatula to clean the grill grate.  I knocked on the window and asked if it was okay if I hammered in a few loose nails with one of his golf clubs. ( you'll be shocked to know this also got a "not funny")

(the early years - before children)

Asking your wife who just walked in from working all day while you were at school "what's for dinner?" before you asked "How was your day?"  Resulting in your wife walking into the kitchen and cooking everything in it.  Mashing all the potatoes, boiling all the eggs, opening every can.  Then announcing dinner was served for the month.     ( I almost threw all of it in the garbage just to be spiteful then decided we were broke and stupid - don't add hungry to the list)

( the really early years )

While applying for our marriage liscense the kindly old lady clerk who asked him to sign the register and then told me my name wasn't important THEN handed me a bag with feminine protection products in it.  When I walked back up to the counter and asked where his condoms  and jock itch powder was at a decible louder than was comfortable for all the other happily engaged couples and then told him I'd walk home when he tried to defend the kindly old lady.  I wonder how many couples do that?!    I was strung a little tight.  Everytime he slowed the car down I got out.  It was a long drive/walk home.   Young and dumb days.

Now it's all just funny.  Except for the dog bed.